The Addiction

Falling asleep with the taste of your cigarette-tainted mouth in mine, I feel a kind of ambivalence. I know I enjoy what we do, but I know I hate that it is with you. My feelings for you are that of a friend and I'm merely using your body for my own sexual release. I don't know how you feel for me and I don't want to ask. When I'm lying next to you, after I've been freed of the tension of my carnal desires, I am satisfied in my ignorance. Why should I try to know and face the reality of our sin? Maybe tomorrow but today I prefer to be none the wiser. I can feel your eyes on me, studying the curve of my lip that you love so much. I smile a little and you'll never know that it's because of the irony and not satisfaction that raises my lips.The irony. The irony is that you are replaceable. I see the glint in your eye that says you probably want more than I'm ready to give. But I know you're replaceable. If I decided I didn't want you anymore, I'd probably not bat an eye. We'll always be friends, I hope, because we both understand our positions in this game. I look at you and I don't want to see your desire but it mirrors mine and I can't resist. One day we will part and our paths might not cross again but until then, I'll keep tasting your cigarettes, my own personal addiction.